I feel your pain. No, really!

Last night Hubs and I got to go to an advanced showing of The Dark Night Rises.  I cried during the movie, but not at any scene you might expect.  There's a scene where a character is climbing out of a hospital bed, unhooking the IVs and monitors and rotating to put his legs over the bed and climbing off.  Yes, it made me cry.

Just the night before we were watching some TV shows and during one of the shows a character is shot in the leg, gets it stitched up, then  is hobbling around for the rest of the action scenes.  He's clearly never had a surgery before.  I kept being bugged by small movements he made that I know he wouldn't be doing if he had real stitches and a real injury.

I give up on my current medication regimen.  It's just not working.  My fibro pain has become so bad that the last few weeks every day I have reached a level of pain that completely consumes me.  The kind where I give up what I'm attempting to do and just sit with my eyes closed and try to emotionally climb back on top of the pain, like some sort of unseated King of the Mountain.  Sometimes it just takes a few moments to refocus and force myself to move on.  Sometimes I end up lying on the couch with my eyes squeezed shut praying to get through it.

My last time in the hospital (nearly 2 years ago) was for a particularly complex and scary surgery.  I was in the hospital for a full week and getting on and off the hospital bed was excruciating.  One of the most touching moments of a very scary time has to do with getting on and off a hospital bed.  The incisions in my belly made it exceedingly painful, even with an epidural, to use my abdominal muscles at all.  I had to take regular walks around the hallway of the surgical unit, and after the catheter was removed I had to also get up to use the bathroom.  My husband would come around and wrap his arms around me to pull me close to his chest, then lift me gently forward and help me rotate so I could stand up.  This way I didn't have to use my abdominal muscles so much.  When I got back in bed he again wrapped me in his arms and gently lay me back.  Every time we made this transition it also involved moving my IV stand, disconnecting and/or silencing the monitors and alarm, removing the nasal cannula, etc..

I wonder if perhaps I've got some form of PTSD.  As I typed that just now I intended it in a sarcastic sense... but thinking about it I suppose something along those lines may be possible.  I have been through extremely trying times emotionally and physically.  As my chronically pain has become more intense and constant I've been battling more difficult times.  I suppose now I'm coming to terms with the fact that therapy would be a good idea.  If only I could face another set of doctors appointments and another set of bills.  Food for thought I guess.

In the mean time, perhaps I'll try to avoid shows touching on medical topics.  When I feel the character's pain more literally than the actor doing the portrayal, it's time to make some changes.